CHAPTER ONE

The Self-Image: Your Key to a Better Life

During the past decade a revolution has been quietlygoing on in the fields of psychology, psychiatry, and medicine.

New theories and concepts concerning the “self” havegrown out of the work and findings of clinical psychologists, practicingpsychiatrists and cosmetic or so-called “plastic surgeons.” New methods growingout of these findings have resulted in rather dramatic changes in personality,health, and apparently even in basic abilities and talents. Chronic failureshave become successful. “F” students have changed into “straight A” pupilswithin a matter of days and with no extra tutoring. Shy, retiring, inhibitedpersonalities have become happy and outgoing.

Writing in the January, 1959 issue of Cosmopolitanmagazine, T. F. James summarizes the results obtained by various psychologistsand M.D.’s as follows:

“Understanding the psychology of the self can mean thedifference between success and failure, love and hate, bitterness andhappiness. The discovery of the real self can rescue a crumbling marriage,recreate a faltering career, transform victims of ‘personality failure.’ Onanother plane, discovering your real self means the difference between freedomand the compulsions of conformity.”

Your Key to a Better Life

The most important psychologic discovery of this centuryis the discovery of the “self-image.” Whether we realize it or not, each of uscarries about with us a mental blueprint or picture of ourselves. It may bevague and ill-defined to our conscious gaze. In fact, it may not be consciouslyrecognizable at all. But it is there, complete down to the last detail. Thisself-image is our own conception of the “sort of person I am.” It has beenbuilt up from our own beliefs about ourselves. But most of these beliefs aboutourselves have unconsciously been formed from our past experiences, oursuccesses and failures, our humiliations, our triumphs, and the way otherpeople have reacted to us, especially in early childhood. From all these wementally construct a “self” (or a picture of a self). Once an idea or beliefabout ourselves goes into this picture it becomes “true,” as far as wepersonally are concerned. We do not question its validity, but proceed to actupon it just as if it were true.

This self-image becomes a golden key to living a betterlife because of two important discoveries:

(1) All your actions, feelings, behavior—even yourabilities—are always consistent with this self-image.

In short, you will “act like” the sort of person youconceive yourself to be. Not only this, but you literally cannot act otherwise,in spite of all your conscious efforts or will power. The man who conceiveshimself to be a “failure?type person” will find some way to fail, in spite ofall his good intentions, or his will power, even if opportunity is literallydumped in his lap. The person who conceives himself to be a victim ofinjustice, one “who was meant to suffer,” will invariably find circumstances toverify his opinions.

The self-image is a “premise,” a base, or a foundationupon which your entire personality, your behavior, and even your circumstancesare built. Because of this our experiences seem to verify, and therebystrengthen our self images, and a vicious or a beneficent cycle, as the casemay be, is set up.

For example, a schoolboy who sees himself as an “F” typestudent, or one who is “dumb in mathematics,” will invariably find that hisreport card bears him out. He then has “proof.” A young girl who has an imageof herself as the sort of person nobody likes will find indeed that she isavoided at the school dance. She literally invites rejection. Her woe-begoneexpression, her hang-dog manner, her over-??anxiousness to please, or perhapsher unconscious hostility towards those she anticipates will affront her—allact to drive away those whom she would attract. In the same manner, a salesmanor a businessman will also find that his actual experiences tend to “prove” hisself-image is correct.

Because of this objective “proof” it very seldom occursto a person that his trouble lies in his self-image or his own evaluation ofhimself. Tell the schoolboy that he only “thinks” he cannot master algebra, andhe will doubt your sanity. He has tried and tried, and still his report card tellsthe story. Tell the salesman that it is only an idea that he cannot earn morethan a certain figure, and he can prove you wrong by his order book. He knowsonly too well how hard he has tried and failed. Yet, as we shall see later,almost miraculous changes have occurred both in grades of students, and in theearning capacity of salesmen—when they were prevailed upon to change theirself-images.

(2) The self-image can be changed. Numerous casehistories have shown that one is never too young nor too old to change hisself-image and thereby start to live a new life.

One of the reasons it has seemed so difficult for aperson to change his habits, his personality, or his way of life, has been thatheretofore nearly all efforts at change have been directed to the circumferenceof the self, so to speak, rather than to the center. Numerous patients havesaid to me something like the following: “If you are talking about ‘positivethinking,’ I’ve tried that before, and it just doesn’t work for me.” However, alittle questioning invariably brings out that these individuals have employed“positive thinking,” or attempted to employ it, either upon particular externalcircumstances, or upon some particular habit or character defect (“I will getthat job.” “I will be more calm and relaxed in the future.” “This businessventure will turn out right for me,” etc.) But they had never thought to changetheir thinking of the “self” which was to accomplish these things.

Jesus warned us about the folly of putting a patch of newmaterial upon an old garment, or of putting new wine into old bottles.“Positive thinking” cannot be used effectively as a patch or a crutch to thesame self-image. In fact, it is literally impossible to really think about aparticular situation, as long as you hold a negative concept of self. And,numerous experiments have shown that once the concept of self is changed, otherthings consistent with the new concept of self, are accomplished easily andwithout strain.

One of the earliest and most convincing experiments alongthis line was conducted by the late Prescott Lecky, one of the pioneers inself-image psychology. Lecky conceived of the personality as a “system ofideas,” all of which must seem to be consistent with each other. Ideas whichare inconsistent with the system are rejected, “not believed,” and not actedupon. Ideas which seem to be consistent with the system are accepted. At thevery center of this system of ideas—the keystone—the base upon which all elseis built, is the individual’s “ego ideal,” his “self-image,” or his conceptionof himself. Lecky was a school teacher and had an opportunity to test histheory upon thousands of students.

Lecky theorized that if a student had trouble learning acertain subject, it could be because (from the student’s point of view) itwould be inconsistent for him to learn it. Lecky believed, however, that if youcould change the student’s self-conception, which underlies this viewpoint, hisattitude toward the subject would change accordingly. If the student could beinduced to change his self-definition, his learning ability should also change.This proved to be the case. One student who misspelled 55 words out of ahundred and flunked so many subjects that he lost credit for a year, made ageneral average of 91 the next year and became one of the best spellers inschool. A boy who was dropped from one college because of poor grades, enteredColumbia and became a straight “A” student. A girl who had flunked Latin fourtimes, after three talks with the school counselor, finished with a grade of84. A boy who was told by a testing bureau that he had no aptitude for English,won honorable mention the next year for a literary prize.

The trouble with these students was not that they weredumb, or lacking in basic aptitudes. The trouble was an inadequate self-image(“I don’t have a mathematical mind”; “I’m just naturally a poor speller”). They“identified” with their mistakes and failures. Instead of saying “I failed thattest” (factual and descriptive) they concluded “I am a failure.” Instead ofsaying “I flunked that subject” they said “I am a flunk-out.” For those who areinterested in learning more of Lecky’s work, I recommend securing a copy of hisbook: Self Consistency, a Theory of Personality, The Island Press, New York.

Lecky also used the same method to cure students of suchhabits as nail biting and stuttering.

My own files contain case histories just as convincing:the man who was so afraid of strangers that he seldom ventured out of thehouse, and who now makes his living as a public speaker. The salesman who hadalready prepared a letter of resignation because he “just wasn’t cut out forselling,” and six months later was number one man on a force of 100 salesmen.The minister who was considering retirement because “nerves” and the pressureof preparing a sermon a week were getting him down, and now delivers an averageof three “outside talks” a week in addition to his weekly sermons and doesn’tknow he has a nerve in his body.

How a Plastic Surgeon Became Interested in Self-ImagePsychology

Offhand, there would seem to be little or no connectionbetween surgery and psychology. Yet, it was the work of the plastic surgeonwhich first hinted at the existence of the “self-image” and raised certain questionswhich led to important psychologic knowledge.

When I first began the practice of plastic surgery manyyears ago, I was amazed by the dramatic and sudden changes in character andpersonality which often resulted when a facial defect was corrected. Changingthe physical image in many instances appeared to create an entirely new person.In case after case the scalpel that I held in my hand became a magic wand thatnot only transformed the patient’s appearance, but transformed his whole life.The shy and retiring became bold and courageous. A “moronic,” “stupid” boychanged into an alert, bright youngster who went on to become an executive witha prominent firm. A salesman who had lost his touch and his faith in himselfbecame a model of self confidence. And perhaps the most startling of all wasthe habitual “hardened” criminal who changed almost overnight from anincorrigible who had never showed any desire to change, into a model prisonerwho won a parole and went on to assume a responsible role in society.

Some twenty years ago I reported many such case historiesin my book New Faces—New Futures. Following its publication, and similararticles in leading magazines, I was besieged with questions by criminologists,sociologists and psychiatrists.

They asked questions that I could not answer. But theydid start me upon a search. Strangely enough, I learned as much if not morefrom my failures as from my successes.

It was easy to explain the successes. The boy with thetoo-big ears, who had been told that he looked like a taxi-cab with both doorsopen. He had been ridiculed all his life—often cruelly. Association withplaymates meant humiliation and pain. Why shouldn’t he avoid social contacts?Why shouldn’t he become afraid of people and retire into himself? Terriblyafraid to express himself in any way it was no wonder he became known as amoron. When his ears were corrected, it would seem only natural that the causeof his embarrassment and humiliation had been removed and that he should assumea normal role in life—which he did.

Or consider the salesman who suffered a facialdisfigurement as the result of an automobile accident. Each morning when heshaved he could see the horrible disfiguring scar on his cheek and thegrotesque twist to his mouth. For the first time in his life he becamepainfully self-conscious. He was ashamed of himself and felt that hisappearance must be repulsive to others. The scar became an obsession with him.He was “different” from other people. He began to “wonder” what others werethinking of him. Soon his ego was even more mutilated than his face. He beganto lose confidence in himself. He became bitter and hostile. Soon almost allhis attention was directed toward himself—and his primary goal became theprotection of his ego and the avoidance of situations which might bringhumiliation. It is easy to understand how the correction of his facialdisfigurement and the restoration of a “normal” face would overnight changethis man’s entire attitude and outlook, his feelings about himself, and resultin greater success in his work.

But what about the exceptions who didn’t change? TheDuchess who all her life had been terribly shy and self-conscious because of atremendous hump in her nose? Although surgery gave her a classic nose and aface that was truly beautiful, she still continued to act the part of the uglyduckling, the unwanted sister who could never bring herself to look anotherhuman being in the eye. If the scalpel itself was magic, why did it not work onthe Duchess?

Or what about all the others who acquired new faces butwent right on wearing the same old personality? Or how explain the reaction ofthose people who insist that the surgery has made no difference whatsoever intheir appearance? Every plastic surgeon has had this experience and hasprobably been as baffled by it as I was. No matter how drastic the change inappearance may be, there are certain patients who will insist that “I look justthe same as before—you didn’t do a thing.” Friends, even family, may scarcelyrecognize them, may become enthusiastic over their newly acquired “beauty,” yetthe patient herself insists that she can see only slight or no improvement, orin fact deny that any change at all has been made. Comparison of “before” and“after” photographs does little good, except possibly to arouse hostility. Bysome strange mental alchemy the patient will rationalize, “Of course, I can seethat the hump is no longer in my nose—but my nose still looks just the same,”or, “The scar may not show any more, but it’s still there.”

Scars That Bring Pride Instead of Shame

Still another clue in search of the elusive self-imagewas the fact that not all scars or disfigurements bring shame and humiliation.When I was a young medical student in Germany, I saw many another studentproudly wearing his “saber scar” much as an American might wear the Medal ofHonor. The duelists were the elite of college society and a facial scar was thebadge that proved you a member in good standing. To these boys, the acquisitionof a horrible scar on the cheek had the same psychologic effect as theeradication of the scar from the cheek of my salesman patient. In old NewOrleans a Creole wore an eye patch in much the same way. I began to see that aknife itself held no magical powers. It could be used on one person to inflicta scar and on another to erase a scar, with the same psychological results.