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The Origins of You Hardcover

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From licensed therapist and popular Instagram relationship expert Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft, +631K followers) comes a profound guide to understanding and overcoming wounds from your Family of Origin--the foundation of how we relate to others, ourselves, and the world around us.

None of us had a perfect childhood; we are all carrying around behaviors that don't serve us--and may in fact be hurting us. But it doesn't have to be that way, says licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Vienna Pharaon. Our past might create our patterns, but we can change those patterns for the better...with the right tools.

In The Origins of You, Pharaon has unlocked a healing process to help us understand our Family of Origin--the family and framework we grew up within--and examine what worked (and didn't) in that system. Certain dysfunctions (or "wounds") in that Family of Origin will manifest in our adult behaviors in surprising ways, from work challenges to interpersonal struggles. But the good news: armed with the knowledge about our past, we can actually rewire our programming to meaningfully improve our relationships and our lives in the future.

It doesn't matter whether you've been in therapy for decades, or whether therapy isn't for you. It doesn't matter if you have loads of memories from childhood, or struggle to remember anything at all. All that matters is your willingness to look inside yourself, and your determination to find a new way forward. Complete with guided introspection, personal experiences, client stories, frameworks for having difficult conversations, and worksheets to complement each chapter, The Origins of You will teach you how your family can both build you up and break you down...and how you can heal yourself for good.

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Product details

Language ‏ : ‎ English
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0349432643
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0349432649
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 15.1 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.67 x 1.26 x 8.5 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #10,407,489 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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4.8 403 ratings

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Randy

Excellent Book

Reviewed in the United States on April 3, 2024

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I received this book as a gift. It’s easy to read, well written and has a lot of helpful tools. This is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. It’s a reflective self help book and a valuable book for parents. I have gifted this book to several family members. I highly recommend this book to everyone which is beneficial not only for yourself but it will help you understand the origins of behaviors of loved ones.

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Kayla

A CRITICAL read for therapists and folks who are serious about healing

Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2024

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As a therapist, 10/10! As a fellow healing human, 10/10! This book is written so generously. It is packed with right hooks and upper cuts but the kind that make you want to keep going. The kind that hurt, but suddenly turn into motivation and an eagerness for me. Vienna nailed everything right on the head and left me constantly curious about how to help myself and how to continue guiding my clients on their journey of healing. I've already recommended it to several of them. The flow of the book was very well thought out, especially the placement of the Making it Stick chapter. True kudos to this work of art. It is vital to our healing and I am grateful to have read it.

2 people found this helpful

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Connor

Best Healing Book Out There

Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2023

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There are so many therapy/healing books out there that always seem to sound the same and offer the same insight or advice. This book offered something new and it was written with incredible nuance and understanding of the complexity of relationships and people's pain. Very clear that she does this work with people day in and day out. It was refreshing to not just get a list of things to do in order to communicate better or navigate conflict differently. Vienna speaks to the human experience in ways I've never heard others do. And she holds you accountable while also offering you so much compassion. It makes you want to dive in. It makes you believe that change can actually happen. And she challenges you to not just think of your story but also the story of the people you love. This book is a book that literally everyone should read. Incredible and I can't recommend it enough.

16 people found this helpful

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Lihn Nguyen

Incredible, transformational healing

Reviewed in the United States on November 6, 2023

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I’ve been following Vienna for years, and I used to go to every workshop she hosted in NYC. I find her to be so wise and eloquent – she has a way of taking very confronting, complex concepts and simplifying them without minimizing them. Her instagram posts have always been so thought provoking and healing that when she announced she was writing a book, I felt so much excitement and happiness because I knew her already touching words would become that much more powerful.

Thank you Vienna for creating space for all of us. You are so special, and you’ve touched so many lives. Thank you for giving me the tools I needed to continue on this healing journey. I am forever grateful.

This book is a must read for anyone, anywhere. No matter how far you are in your healing… The Origins of You is an absolute game changer. I’ve bought 4 copies already! (One for myself and others to gift to friends).

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FFBB

Good if you are just getting started on your journey

Reviewed in the United States on April 15, 2024

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I have been in therapy for a while dealing with my wounding and trauma. I was looking forward to reading this book as I very much enjoy Vienna Pharon's work I but felt the book remained too superficial for my level. I think if you're just starting out on your healing journey, this book is great. I was looking for something more in depth and weightier. It's accessibly written and I hope by donating it to my local library, many will benefit from it. 4/5 stars from me.

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Babs Coppedge

This is a Must Read ... for Everyone!

Reviewed in the United States on September 5, 2023

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I cannot say enough about this book. It was life-changing on so many levels. I've read many self-help books, but none that tackled one's origin story and the wounds that need healing from just being a human raised by humans. I can't say that I've ever disliked one along the way, but there are some that didn't quite pull me in and keep me hooked for the entire book. They had golden nuggets dropped throughout, but as a whole, they didn't imprint on my heart and soul; they didn't leave me waiting to tell everyone I knew about them. That is not the case with this book. I have taken my time working my way through this book--five months, to be exact--because I was reading it with a small group of framily. What a book to dive into with others you trust implicitly! Vienna's approach to the origin story of a soul is written from her own lived experience, partnered with her vast education and years as a therapist. The book is an easy read in that it's written for us, the non-therapists. But she will ask you to dig deep, to allow yourself to be challenged, to look closely at who you are and how you got "here." To honestly consider your wounds and how they show up in you as an adult. And how those unhealed wounds manifest themselves in behaviors that often wound others. This is not a blame game book that invites you to heap all your adult wounds squarely onto the shoulders of your parents or other significant caregivers. Instead, it asks you to allow space to see that "we all have an origin story that most people know very little about." Everyone has wounds from growing up (and living as an adult) that need to be healed and areas in which to grow and mature. She never asks you to overlook others' actions, but to consider where compassion and forgiveness can be extended. (Note: those never equate to mandatory reconciliation.) She asks you to do the work to replace trauma armor with healed and healthy boundaries. The one book I've read that impacted me as deeply as "The Origins of You" was "The Body Keeps The Score." That was a HEAVY and HARD read--written for therapists first and us second. I only recommend TBKTS to those who can handle really in-depth and detailed stories of abuse to get to the chapters that are practical. "Origins" is for everyone ... because every single person is a human raised by other humans. Everyone has an origin story.

10 people found this helpful

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Amanda Zack

She is amazing

Reviewed in Canada on June 4, 2023

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Such an amazing book. I have followed her on Instagram for years and I can’t say enough about how profound and insightful she is. I was so happy to be able to have some of her teachings printed and in one place.

Elizabeth

Muy bueno

Reviewed in Mexico on April 10, 2023

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Me encantó, muy buen libro sobre terapia individual y como entender nuestras dificultades

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Mrs. Karen Lesley Bent

Hugely helpful

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 9, 2023

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This book came into my life at exactly the right time on my journey towards self awareness. It's very easy to read and understand and also very insightful and direct. I'm so glad I found it (hadn't previously heard of Vienna) and would highly recommend it to anyone on their own healing journey.

Maz

Very insightful book

Reviewed in Australia on August 22, 2023

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Just a started reading the book. I’m getting lots of insights from it

Olivia

Such An important Book If You Want Healthy Relationships

Reviewed in Canada on March 1, 2023

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This book is GOLD!....and will help you understand unwanted patterns and the things holding you back. Vienna has written this book with so much compassion and insightful examples and stories, I felt like she was right there with me. A must-read for anyone who wants to change the way they show up for themselves, and in their relationships.

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