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You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience Hardcover – April 27, 2021

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Contributions by Kiese Laymon, Imani Perry, Laverne Cox, Jason Reynolds, Austin Channing Brown, and more
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY MARIE CLAIRE AND BOOKRIOT
It started as a text between two friends.
Tarana Burke, founder of the ‘me too.’ Movement, texted researcher and writer Brené Brown to see if she was free to jump on a call. Brené assumed that Tarana wanted to talk about wallpaper. They had been trading home decorating inspiration boards in their last text conversation so Brené started scrolling to find her latest Pinterest pictures when the phone rang.
But it was immediately clear to Brené that the conversation wasn’t going to be about wallpaper. Tarana’s hello was serious and she hesitated for a bit before saying, “Brené, you know your work affected me so deeply, but as a Black woman, I’ve sometimes had to feel like I have to contort myself to fit into some of your words. The core of it rings so true for me, but the application has been harder.”
Brené replied, “I’m so glad we’re talking about this. It makes sense to me. Especially in terms of vulnerability. How do you take the armor off in a country where you’re not physically or emotionally safe?”
Long pause.
“That’s why I’m calling,” said Tarana. “What do you think about working together on a book about the Black experience with vulnerability and shame resilience?”
There was no hesitation.
Burke and Brown are the perfect pair to usher in this stark, potent collection of essays on Black shame and healing. Along with the anthology contributors, they create a space to recognize and process the trauma of white supremacy, a space to be vulnerable and affirm the fullness of Black love and Black life.
- Print length256 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherRandom House
- Publication dateApril 27, 2021
- Dimensions5.7 x 0.86 x 8.52 inches
- ISBN-100593243625
- ISBN-13978-0593243626
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About the Author
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation–Brené Brown Endowed Chair. She is also a visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. Brown has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers. She hosts the Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead podcasts.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Brené Brown: We could start the story of this book when you texted me to ask if we could talk, and I thought you wanted to continue our ongoing conversation about wallpaper and landscaping—but what came before that? When did the idea for this book come to you?
Tarana Burke: It was after we did SharetheMic on social media, in the summer of 2020. There had been this intense public unrest happening in the country after George Floyd and Breonna Taylor were murdered. In private, I was having these really heartfelt conversations with Black folks who were just struggling: I can’t watch any more of this. I can’t take this anymore. I cannot . . . And in public, the conversation was, How can we get white people to be better? How can we get white people to be antiracist? Antiracism became the order of the day. But there was no focus on Black humanity. I kept thinking, Where’s the space for us to talk about what this does to us, how this affects our lives? And so I was thinking to myself that I really wanted to have a conversation with you.
At first, I struggled to text you. I kept asking myself, Why am I hesitating to reach out to her? We have a close enough friendship to talk about anything. Your work is so important to me and my experience as a human being, but as a Black woman, I often felt like I had to contort myself to fit into the work and see myself in it. I wanted to talk to you about adding to it: “What is the Black experience with shame resilience?” Because white supremacy has added another layer to the kind of shame we have to deal with, and the kind of resilience we have to build, and the kind of vulnerability that we are constantly subjected to whether we choose it or not.
So, yeah, I called and said all of that—but I was not as eloquent [laughter] at the time. I will never forget that phone call. I texted, Can we talk? and you texted back, Sure. Once we got on the phone and I shared the idea, the first thing you said was “Oh, hell yeah. Oh, absolutely! Yes, I want to talk about that. Yes, I want to do this.” At that point I was just thinking, Oh, and here I was worrying about offending you and wanting to have a real conversation. So, that was the beginning from my side. What was happening on your side?
Brené: From my side, well, admittedly, I’d probably do anything you ask me to do. But the timing was bigger than us. I had really been grappling over the last couple of years with trying to figure out how to be more inclusive—how to present the work in a way that invited more people to see themselves. The last thing I ever wanted to do was put work in the world around shame, vulnerability, and courage, then make people feel like they had to do something extra to find themselves in it. I thought I had controlled for that with my sample, because I’ve always been hypervigilant about diversity in the people I interview and in data sources. In fact, one of the early criticisms of my work was that the sample population actually overindexed around Black women and Latinx folks. But I started to get comments, especially from Black women and men: “I had to work at it more to see myself in it than I would have preferred or I would have liked to or than I even should have had to.” Finally, it was the combination of a conversation with you and a conversation with Austin Channing Brown on her TV show, where I thought, The problem isn’t the research. The research resonates with a diverse group of people because it’s based on a diverse sample. But the way I present my research to the world does not always resonate because I often use myself and my stories as examples, and I have a very privileged white experience. That was the huge aha for me.
Tarana: Yeah, that makes sense.
Brené: One of the things that struck me was, in The Gifts of Imperfection, there’s a scene where I’m in sweats and have dirty hair and I’m running up the Nordstrom escalator with my daughter to exchange some shoes that her grandmother bought her. Immediately, I’m overwhelmed because I look and feel like shit, and there’s all these perfect-looking people giving me the side-eye. Just as I start to go into some shame, a pop song starts playing and Ellen breaks out into the robot. I mean full-on, unfiltered, unaware—just sheer joy. As the perfect people start staring at her, I’m reduced to this moment where I have to decide, Am I going to betray her and roll my eyes and say, “Ellen, settle down,” or am I just going to let her do her thing—let her be joyful and unashamed? I end up choosing her and actually dancing with her. It’s a great story about choosing my daughter over acceptance by strangers, but I’ve shopped with enough Black friends to know that if I was not dressed up—even if I was dressed up—and I was in a department store and my Black daughter broke into a dance, there would be a whole other set of variables to consider. Including being hassled by security, possibly separated from my daughter, even arrested. So when you asked me if we could focus the work through the lens of the Black experience, it was a “hell yes” from me. I want to figure out how to better serve. In addition to telling my story, which I think is helpful, I want to co-create so people see themselves in this work. Co-creation is how we can tell stories from the Black experience that illustrate the data. Does that make sense?
Tarana: It does. This is our first time really digging into your grappling with this. Your questions make absolute sense, and it also makes sense why you wanted to do this together. You still said, “Are you sure you want me to do it with you? You have my permission to use my work and do it.”
Brené: I was scared. I’m still scared.
Tarana: I get it. I understand the fear, and I know we have to be prepared for the question about you being an editor of a book about Black experience. But there’s nobody I trust more, particularly on these topics, who has studied them more and who cares more. It’s not just the research piece— there are other people who study these topics. But you combine the research expertise with compassion. You are—this sounds really corny—an embodiment of your work, of the research, of the knowledge. I think it takes the eye of somebody who has done the level of research you have done and who cares about other people’s stories. I feel such a sense of responsibility and protectiveness about the stories we’ve asked people to share for this anthology. We have to be good stewards of this information. So I definitely get the fear and reluctance, but I believe good stewardship takes both of us. I know as we read these powerful essays, we both took turns feeling a little overwhelmed with the responsibility of protecting them.
Brené: I’ve been doing this work for twenty-five years now. I know the stories in this book can change—even save—people’s lives. It’s an honor to do this with you. I’ve been a shame and vulnerability researcher for a long time, but not any longer than you have been an expert in the work. You have been teaching and training this work for decades.
Product details
- Publisher : Random House; First American Edition (April 27, 2021)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 256 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0593243625
- ISBN-13 : 978-0593243626
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.7 x 0.86 x 8.52 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #100,868 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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About the authors
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She also holds the position of visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business.
Brené has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She is the author of six #1 New York Times best sellers and is the host of two award-winning Spotify podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead.
Brené’s books have been translated into more than 30 languages, and her titles include Atlas of the Heart, Dare to Lead, Braving the Wilderness, Rising Strong, Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection. With Tarana Burke, she co-edited the best-selling anthology You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience.
Brené’s TED talk on the Power of Vulnerability is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world, with over 50 million views. Brené is the first researcher to have a filmed lecture on Netflix, and in March 2022, she launched a new show on HBO Max that focuses on her latest book, Atlas of the Heart.
Brené spends most of her time working in organizations around the world, helping develop braver leaders and more-courageous cultures. She lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve. They have two children, Ellen and Charlie, and a weird Bichon named Lucy.
Tarana J. Burke has been working at the intersection of racial justice, arts and culture, anti-violence and gender equity for nearly three decades. Fueled by a commitment to interrupt systemic issues disproportionately impacting marginalized people, like sexual violence, particularly for Black women and girls, Tarana has created and led campaigns that have brought awareness to the harmful legacies surrounding communities of color. Specifically, her work to end sexual violence has not only exposed the ugly truths of sexism and spoke truth to power, it has also increased access to resources and support for survivors and paved a way forward for everyone to find their place in the movement.
A proud native of the Bronx, NY, Tarana's passion for community organizing began in the late 1980s; when as a young girl, she joined a youth leadership organization called 21st Century Youth Leadership Movement. She led and participated in initiatives around issues like police brutality, housing inequality and economic justice across the city. That work, coupled with a desire to deepen her academic education and organizing skills led her to Alabama State University, a historically Black institution. Her organizing and advocacy work continued throughout college and remains a pillar of her professional life.
Her career took an intentional turn toward supporting survivors of sexual violence while living in Selma, Alabama and working for 21st Century. She encountered dozens of Black girls with stories of sexual violence, abuse, and exploitation, stories with which she personally identified. Tarana realized too many girls were trying their best to survive without access to resources, safe spaces and support. So, in 2004, she created Just Be, Inc., an organization committed to the empowerment and wellness of Black and Brown girls. The ‘me too.’ Movement was born shortly thereafter as an entry to healing for survivors and a mechanism for developing survivor leaders.
In 2017, when ‘me too.’ as a hashtag (#metoo) went viral, Tarana emerged as a global leader in the evolving conversation around sexual violence. She placed the focus back on survivors and the need for survivor-centered, survivor-led solutions. Her theory of 'empowerment through empathy' is changing the way the world thinks and talks about sexual violence, consent and bodily autonomy. Tarana uses her platform to share the messages that healing is possible, survivors are leaders and ending sexual violence has to be a social justice priority, which has touched and inspired millions of survivors who previously lived with the pain, shame and trauma of their experience in isolation. In 2018, Tarana founded ‘me too.’ International, a global non-profit organization that serves as a container for the vision and framework for the ‘me too.’ Movement. The organization serves as a convener, innovator, thought leader, and organizer across the mainstream and the grassroots to address systems that allow for the proliferation of sexual violence, specifically in Black, queer, trans, disabled, and all communities of color.
Her steadfast commitment is what led her to receive numerous accolades including 2017 TIME Person of the Year, 2018 TIME 100 Most Influential People, the 2019 Sydney Peace Prize and Harvard Gleitsman Citizen Activist Award, and in 2020 being named one of USA Today’s Women of the Decade among many other honors and recognitions.
Austin Channing Brown is a media producer, author, and speaker providing inspired leadership on racial justice in America. She is the New York Times and USA Today Bestselling author of I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness and CEO of Herself Media.
Her first book, released in May 2018, shot to the top 20 of Amazon’s bestsellers list, leading in its categories for months. I’m Still Here has received acclaim from Kirkus, Publishers Weekly, and Booklist.
In addition to I’m Still Here, Austin also contributed to two anthologies: You Are Your Best Thing and Hungry Hearts. Her young readers version of I’m Still Here is now available for preorder and will release in April.
Austin has a Bachelor of Arts in business management from North Park University as well as a Masters of Arts in social justice from Marygrove College in Detroit.
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This book is a collection of essays from writers, artists, educators, activists and others. They speak in the first person, in Tarana Burke's words, to "give our humanity breathing room."
You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience, edited by Tarana Burke and Brene Brown.
From the introduction by the editors:
Brene: I kept thinking about bell hook's concept of lovelessness and how she talks about lovelessness as the root of white supremacy and the patriarchy and all forms of oppression. And that the answer to lovelessness is love. I've read bell hooks for thirty years, but these essays and the process of co-creating with you taught me what love in the face of lovelessness really feels like. The marrow of it. When you say, "I don't trust any antiracism work that doesn't embrace and see our humanity," I can feel the call for love. I get it so fully right now. It's like you're telling us that if you don't see the heart and the love and the humanity and the joy of the Black experience -- of Black humanity -- then the anti-racism work is bankrupt.
Tarana: Exactly. It's just like knowing something intellectually but not feeling it, and this is feeling work. It's heart work as much as it is head work. Those two things have to be in tandem. And I love that we have the ability to make this offering to Black folks who have felt stifled in this moment and overwhelmed and have not had space.
This is not a book to be rushed through. It is a book to breathe into, to weep with, to celebrate. I invite you to savor it, even if, like me, a white woman, you feel a bit like a peeping tom.
I found that the most profound aspect of these amazing essays was how well the authors were able to communicate their experiences into such universal truths, in such a way that it would be really difficult not to relate to these intimate experiences and narratives - a powerful empathy generating body of work. Furthermore, the wisdom and strategies regarding how to manage being othered, exploited, targeted, on top of learning how to deal with the general stress of surviving in our current socio-economic culture was nothing more than paradigm-shifting. These are things I’m actively trying to cultivate in own my life too.
We have so much to learn from each other - I believe that together we can get through these hard times, utilizing this type of learning and connection; we can be vulnerable, we can manage our shame, and we can support each other as we grow ourselves and evolve our society.
So grateful for having had the opportunity to read this amazing anthology! Highly recommend!
Top reviews from other countries





True to its description, it is an anthology of the experiences of Black Americans which as a Black Brit I couldn’t wholly relate to but there were definite parallels. Reading other people’s experiences of race is so eye opening.


Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 18, 2021
True to its description, it is an anthology of the experiences of Black Americans which as a Black Brit I couldn’t wholly relate to but there were definite parallels. Reading other people’s experiences of race is so eye opening.
