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Ian Probert

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Johnny Nothing Kindle Edition

by Ian Probert (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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REVIEWS
“Great new kids book alert! My two are in hysterics reading Johnny Nothing by Ian Probert (and I am too).”
Jane Bruton, Editor of Grazia

"Oh, Wow. Dark, sordid, grotesque and hilarious are only a few words I can conjure up to describe this hilarious book."
Lizzie Baldwin, mylittlebookblog

"The humour will have adults as well as children in hysterics at the writing."
Joshua Jackson (13), Lizzie Loves Books

"It pokes lots of fun at grown ups and all the things we take seriously and think are important, and addresses all the topics that parents might squirm in embarrassment at, but which will have children in fits of giggles and laughter."
Paul Ruddock, Echoesofthepen

"A very unique, dark, comedic tale that truly tickles your funny bone. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, at times laughing a bit too loud, and I highly recommend reading it."
Angela Burkhead

"It’s not all that likely that Grandma or Auntie Mae will buy this book for their own little Johnnys. But Dad will and he’ll probably want to read it first. I can see Johnny Nothing being just the sort of thing that catches on and takes off in a BIG way."
Melissa Ann Goodwin, author

PRODUCT DESCRIPTION
WARNING: This book will seriously damage your funny bone. The poorest boy in school has just inherited £1 million. But there is a catch: If he can hold on to his cash for a whole year he will earn ten times that amount. Enter Felicity MacKenzie, the ugliest, sweatiest, vilest, cruelest, hairiest mother in the western world. When she steals her son’s money and goes on the spending spree to end all spending sprees it seems that Johnny Nothing will stay poor forever. However, Johnny has a plan – he will imprison his parents and force them to do homework and go to bed early as punishment. Join Johnny Nothing, Bill and Ben the bouncer men, Ebenezer Dark and a cast of literally dozens in (probably) the funniest book you will (most likely) ever read in (some of) your lifetime. Learn why solicitors like handbags; why dead people are windier than the North Sea; why parents dislike electrocution; and what happens to you after you die. Johnny Nothing: Book 01 in a series of less than two from best-selling author Ian Probert.

Reading age

10 - 13 years, from customers
Print length

194 pages
Language

English
Grade level

9 - 12
Publication date

March 5, 2014
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Ian Probert has been scribbling down words ever since he learned to spell the phrase: 'Once upon a time...'. He is the author of Internet Spy, Rope Burns and a bunch of other titles. Internet Spy was a bestseller in the US and made into a TV film. Rope Burns is a book about why books shouldn't be written about boxing. Ian has also written things for a shed load of newspapers and magazines. When Ian was a student he used to write lots of letters to the bank manager.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00ITZTOUA
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Ian Probert; 1st edition (March 5, 2014)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ March 5, 2014
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 41000 KB
Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 194 pages

Customer Reviews:
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Ian Probert

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After a 25-year break from writing about boxing I decided in 2015 to return to the sport, temporarily at least. The decision was prompted by depression caused by the death of my father. Boxing had been one of the few things that connected us.

The result is 'Dangerous', in which I meet up with figures from the boxing world whom I have not seen for almost a quarter of a century. In doing so there was laughter and there were tears. The eight months that I spent writing the book ended up being one of the most important periods of my life. Strangely enough, these meetings with boxers provided a kind of therapy for me.

Please read a free excerpt from 'Dangerous' and watch the video trailer.

Visit https://ianprobertbooks.wordpress.com for random thoughts about the universe and the price of tea.

Go to http://ianprobert.com to increase traffic to his website, which is apparently very important.

Follow him on Twitter on @truth42 if you've got far too much time on your hands.

Follow him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/716683635030173/. Lord knows why you'd want to do that.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5

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Michael Compton

Funny and Subversive

Reviewed in the United States on October 18, 2015

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Some children’s books encourage kids to be brave. Some encourage kids to be creative. Some encourage kids to be caring. Ian Probert’s book Johnny Nothing encourages kids, among other things, to: sell their dad’s possessions to their schoolmates for profit, send rude messages through the mail to the Prime Minister, hire bodyguards to terrorize their parents and keep them locked up like prisoners. On the plus side, there are repeated admonitions of “Don’t smoke, kids!”—but discerning readers might suspect those are tongue-in-cheek. In other words, this is a rude, crude, and even subversive little book that will amuse and titillate kids—and, if they have a sense of humor—their parents as well.

Johnny Nothing is the story of Johnny MacKenzie, a kid whose parents are so awful, and so stingy toward their son in everything from affection, to clothing, to even food, that the kids at school call him Johnny Nothing. But then a rich uncle dies and leaves him a million pounds and a task: if he can return exactly one year later having increased the money by even the smallest amount, Johnny’s inheritance will be increased tenfold. Obviously, it would be the easiest thing in the world to simply leave the money in the bank for a year and collect interest, but this is a moral test, and Johnny’s horrible, greedy parents fail it eagerly, taking Johnny’s money and going on a spending spree that will not only lead him to fail in his task, but to end the year as penniless as he began. What will Johnny do? That’s where the story’s twists and turns—and its surprisingly humane resolution—come in.

With a bag of tricks that includes potty humor, self-referential asides, hilarious digressions, visual aids, and even footnotes, Probert writes like a cross between Lemony Snicket and David Foster Wallace, as channeled by your best friend’s obnoxious older brother. You know, the one whose number one mission in life is to Gross. You. Out. Kids will love the book’s descriptions of nasty aromas and general corporeal unpleasantness, but Probert writes with a biting and often subtle wit that will surprise and charm adults as well. As I read, I imagined youthful readers coming back to this story years later, perhaps reading it to their own children, and laughing out loud at jokes that had gone right past them as youngsters.

And there are a lot of jokes. This is the kind of book that will spend half a chapter listing dozens of puns and allusions about countries the characters have visited on a world tour: “They got hungry in Hungary. So they had Turkey in Turkey. And Chicken in Kiev…They found Nuremberg a trial. They thought that Guinea was foul. They went to a party in Toga…” and on and on for two-and-a-half pages, until we finish with: “In the end they simply flew back to France—they had nothing Toulouse.” If that kind of humor makes you groan, there are also subtle, satirical gems, like this description of a lawyer: “He looked how James Bond might look if he lived on meat and potato pies and worked for the council and had a license to read legal documents.” And if that joke is too dry for you, don’t worry, there will be another joke—probably a big, sloppy wet one--within the next two sentences.

As a journalist and the author of Rope Burns, a meditation on boxing, Ian Probert usually writes for an adult audience, and he seems to have approached this book with a "What kind of children's book would I like to read?" mentality--an approach I wholeheartedly endorse. Parents may tut-tut at some passages, but this is a book that respects children's intelligence. My only complaint about it has nothing to do with the content, but rather the cover art. The interior illustrations are so arresting and beautifully colored, I can’t image why this particular illustration—not of Johnny, but of his lawyer—was chosen, or why it was rendered in such an unappealing, yellow-green monochrome. This vibrant, funny, shocking, charming, and highly entertaining book deserves a cleverer—and more welcoming—face. I found it off-putting; but I’m glad I looked past it, because the story inside is a lovingly crafted, one-of-a-kind read.

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Andrew Updegrove

A Wonderful Read for Children and Parents Alike

Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2014

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What is Johnny Nothing? Well,it’s a book that any child would love reading. It’s also a tale that any child not yet old enough to read would love to have their Mum or Dad read to them. And finally, it’s a book that Mum or Dad will certainly finish reading secretly on their own, for their own delight long before it’s bedtime rendition is complete.

What is Johnny Nothing about? One way of answering that would be to ask how the Harry Potter plot might have played out if Hagrid had never arrived to liberate him. Like Harry, Johnny has Thoroughly Beastly Parents (or, as Probert might go on to qualify that description, I mean really and truly, THOROUGHLY, BEASTLY PARENTS!)

That’s because unlike J.K. Rowling, Probert frequently jumps out of the normal third person narrative style to talk directly to the child to make a point or deliver an admonition when a character does something nasty (don’t smoke, kids!). There are footnotes, too, and long lists of bulleted examples of things, each making the type of thoroughly atrocious pun that children delight to hear.

It’s all done in a grand, rollicking manner, with lots of that special type of British slang that can light up a sentence with it’s chummy style. While many of the words may ring strange to those from away, you can get almost all of it from context, and it further helps to create the feel of a story being related by a favorite uncle.

Children will delight especially in those elements that play to a child’s most guilty desires: suddenly being empowered to lock their parents in a bedroom for a few months, for example, forced to eat healthy meals and do their homework (can life get any better than that?) All the while, Johnny Nothing himself remains a very approachable character – he’s not Nothing, but he is, in most ways decidedly Average, at least to begin with, and that’s the point.

There is something rather unusual about Johnny Nothing, and that is the fact that it seems to be the first children’s book by an author that has produced almost everything else: scifi fiction, books on digital photography, books on boxing, a book of panoramic photos, articles for a long list of magazines, music, and much more (check out his author page at Amazon for a complete list).

Moreover, his current output is prodigious: he is simultaneously posting four serial books at once at his blog: [...] His style in those books is decidedly different: although they range from science fiction to contemporary to I’m not sure yet (given that sometimes they take unanticipated jumps), most of the plots involve violence and sex, although neither is gratuitously described. As with his children’s book, the prose flows effortlessly, and it’s hard not to envy the believability and fluidity of these first-draft chapters. You can sign up to have them delivered to you by email, and I’ve come to look forward to their arriving, usually on a daily basis.

There’s another reason to visit Probert’s blog, and that’s the extraordinary color illustrations that accompany each chapter of Johnny Nothing. On an ordinary, black and white Kindle, you can’t appreciate them at all. But at his blog (and perhaps on a Kindle Fire or iPad), they’re stunning. Even the cover image is much more impressive.

In sum, this is an author to be taken seriously. If you haven’t discovered him yet, I strongly urge you to drop by this blog. And in any event, give a serious thought to picking up a copy of Johnny Nothing.

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Karen O.

Entertaining read for kids and adult readers

Reviewed in Germany on June 1, 2014

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The book introduces you to its protagonist, Johnny, a boy who has nothing, his just deceased uncle Marley, his parents, and his solicitor, Ebenezer Dark. Johnny has to realise that it is not easy to deal with your inheritance if your parents have other goals.

With Johnny Nothing, Ian Probert has created a fun story, including witty wordplay, and a little food for thought. Johnny Nothing is an entertaining read for kids and adult readers.

RuddersReviews

A conspiracy of laughter between the author and the reader... Loved it!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 26, 2014

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'Johnny Nothing' is a book that I think any child (boys mainly) in the nine to thirteen age bracket will really enjoy. It pokes lots of fun at grown-ups and all the things we take seriously and think are important, and addresses all the topics that parents might squirm in embarrassment at, but which will have children in fits of giggles and laughter. As well as great writing, there are also some great illustrations accompanying each chapter.

It's basically about a young boy from a very poor background with rotten parents,' who unexpectedly inherits a million pounds, but as in all good stories there's a catch; if he can return a year later with even as much as one penny more than the million pounds, then he inherits ten times that amount. Needless to say, his less than ideal parents prefer the idea of an immediate spending spree, and Johnny being only twelve is initially powerless to stop them until... and that's where the story really picks up.

Written in a very conversational style, the reader almost feels like they're being 'read to,' almost to the point that the young reader will almost forget that they're the one doing the actual job of reading. The characterisation is nothing less than superb; in a way that only a child of a certain age can do (and the author), every character is hugely exaggerated to the point of comic absurdity. There's lots potty humour and playground language that young boys will revel in, and a couple of occasions when the author conspires with the reader in a little naughtiness by writing bleep bleep bleep, something that boys will find very funny, thinking that they're reading something rude (without actually doing so), and a reference to a competition form in which the reader is asked to write swear words to send to the Prime Minister in order to win a prize. There's also an amusing running theme telling kids not smoke, not to drink, and finally, not to rob banks, but all done in a way that's more likely to make them take notice than any number of serious lectures. The author also very cleverly explains about sub-plots being like little stories inside bigger ones. What was also very clever about the way this book was written, allowing for the fact the attention spans of younger readers will vary quite lot, there are lots of obvious but very clever word plays that kids will be both distracted and amused by before returning to the main story, as well as some amusing satire such as where a shop assistant has to call Mumbai just to get permission for Johnny to charge his phone, but has to agree to be put a mailing list, as well as some great analogies that readers at the upper end of the target age group are likely to pick up on:

"...like journalists who pursue celebrities on their way to the top...
...like celebrities who pursue journalists on their way to the bottom..."

Although a children's book, the author does touch on some adult themes, i.e. death, abusive parents, greed, gluttony, and a host of other adult vices, but does so in a way that children will accept without being bothered by; there are definite echoes of Roald Dahl here, but not in a way that tries to emulate him. My only rather minor concern would be for readers outside the UK, where some of the topical references are a bit UK specific and might get slightly lost, but other than that, this really is a first class exceedingly funny book that boys, and I suspect some girls too, will absolutely love from beginning to end, stretching and amusing the imagination in a way that will leave them wanting to read more...

One person found this helpful

Barbara Underwood

A thoroughly enjoyable read!

Reviewed in Australia on October 24, 2014

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I’m very glad to have had this opportunity to read “Johnny Nothing” because, although it is unlike anything I’ve read – or usually do read – I was engrossed from beginning to end, and found myself admiring the author for his skill in humorous writing. The style is very engaging, especially since the author at times addresses the reader directly, and then indirectly carries the reader along with the main character, Johnny Nothing. Despite the well-balanced humour of varying kinds, there is a strong undercurrent of reality, and I, for one, found myself deeply wanting to take revenge on Johnny’s awful parents on his behalf. As the title implies, Johnny appears to have nothing and be nothing, until the death of a wealthy uncle turns everything upside-down. The consequences of sudden wealth and its impact on individuals are not entirely unrealistic, and in fact, the story of this book would be a heart-rending tragedy if not for the continuous and clever humour in the telling of the story. For these reasons I found “Johnny Nothing” a rewarding reading experience, and would recommend it to most other readers; especially those who, like me, do not read humour regularly and would feel refreshed and inspired by this entertaining book.

Sue Vincent

Never go to Bill and Ben’s tattooist…

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 7, 2015

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Johnny Nothing could be, has been and probably will continue to be compared with the works of Roald Dahl. This is a shame, as Ian Probert’s book stands up all on its own and needs no comparison.

In fact, if comparisons are obligatory you could, perhaps, conjure an image of, say, a Tim Burton version of Dahl, with Mr Burton in a very dark mood.

But that wouldn’t give you the humour and sense of wicked fun that winds through the story.

The story is essentially a simple one, of a young, bullied boy who inherits a large amount of money, to do with as he pleases. The conditions of the will make it possible to increase this inheritance tenfold… but there are conditions. And first Johnny has to regain possession of the bank card…

The characters are well drawn. Mother is the inaptly named Felicity, the grasping, self-serving epitome of greed. It is she who had purloined the bank card… From here a moral tale unfolds, with a good many lessons for younger readers carefully woven through the story and an unusual twist at the end.

It is hugely funny… I laughed out loud at several moments; most memorable for me was Ben’s tattoo. Children will not fail to be amused, but I have to say that this children’s story is written as much with adults in mind. The layers of humour are rich and frequently topical. This may be the only downside to the potential longevity of the book.

The illustrations are dark and unusual. I personally like them very much. The cover, though striking, however, may not instantly appeal to younger readers. It was, however, one of the things that drew me to it.

I bought Johnny Nothing at lunchtime and had read it by dinner. I couldn’t help it… I had to see what happened next.

One person found this helpful

LadyJaguar

Brilliant social satire - for kids!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 10, 2014

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Can I just add my voice to to the others saying how grotesque and brilliant this book is. Firstly, the illustrations, strange and creepy, really bring the book to life. Not all seem to match the descriptions of the characters, but there is no doubt to the artist's skill. And they remind the adult reader that this is in fact a book for children, not for them.

Then the story, in which little Johnny Nothing is abused by his parents, wins the lottery, gets exploited by everyone around him and loses it all again. This doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs, but it is told with much wit and humour, knocking on the door of the great Roald Dahl in the descriptions of the overall despicableness of some adults. Deliciously gleeful descriptions, great dialogue, the sort of book for anyone who thinks adults are dumb, stupid and evil (anyone under the age of 21 then...)

The story is told in a very fresh way, with sly asides to the reader and littered with cultural references that I (as a middle-aged Englishwoman) picked up instantly. The concern I have is that American or younger readers in years to come might not know who a lot of the people are (Christopher Biggins?) and such mentions can date a book, even a great one such as this.

And it is a very English book, with English problems that are bang up to date, although it could easily have been set in the 1970's as well. The social issues of child cruelty, poverty and slum housing estates will never go away. Johnny's mum is the biggest villain of the piece (top marks for making the woman the boo-hiss character!) In fact, all the characters were fantastically drawn and totally believable. But where was Social Services? Oh, that's right, I guess that was pretty believable as well...

I hope there is a sequel, because the Stygian gloom of Johnny's existence never seemed to cease. In a way, it was a pretty depressing book as well as being hilarious, because he hit the issues bang on time and time again, and there never seemed to be any way out, but older children will love the horribleness of the characters, and hopefully won't notice that Johnny's hideous existence is also a very sharp piece of social satire.

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Johnny Nothing Kindle Edition

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