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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands (A Chelsea Handler Book/Borderline Amazing Publishing) Mass Market Paperback – November 19, 2013

by Chelsea Handler (Author)
4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 3,211 ratings
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In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand.

You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool.

Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty.

Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.
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  1. Part of series
    A Chelsea Handler Book/Borderline Amazing Publishing
  2. Print length
    256 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Publisher
    Grand Central Publishing
  5. Publication date
    November 19, 2013
  6. Dimensions
    4.25 x 0.75 x 6.75 inches
  7. ISBN-10
    1455549215
  8. ISBN-13
    978-1455549214
  9. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Born in Livingston, New Jersey, to a Jewish father and a Mormon mother, Chelsea Handler is the youngest of six children. She is the star and host of E!'s Chelsea Lately.

www.eonline.com/chelsealately
www.myspace.com/chelseahandler

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Grand Central Publishing; Reprint edition (November 19, 2013)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Mass Market Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1455549215
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1455549214
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 4.5 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 4.25 x 0.75 x 6.75 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 3,211 ratings

About the author

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Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler is an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, as well as the bestselling author of My Horizontal Life. She is the star of her own late-night show on E!, Chelsea Lately; was one of the stars of Girls Behaving Badly; has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Late Night with David Letterman; and has starred in her own half-hour Comedy Central special. Chelsea makes regular appearances in comedy clubs across America and lives in Los Angeles.

Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
4.3 out of 5
3,211 global ratings
Awesome book!
5 Stars
Awesome book!
Very funny. Love the stories. Chelsea is amazing and so very funny. I love it.
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Top reviews from the United States

FAR
5.0 out of 5 stars So funny!
Reviewed in the United States on May 9, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book made me laugh out loud during each chapter. I don’t know how she does it but every single chapter will have you laughing
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jemmie
4.0 out of 5 stars She made me smile!
Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2012
Verified Purchase
I have been a long time fan of Chelsea Handler, having had watched her on several television shows as well as seeing her stand-up shows. Because I was no stranger to her humor, I expected nothing short of a raunchy explanation of past exploits. What I was not expecting was to be laughing out loud, alone, over a book. As you go through the collection of short stories, not only does the reader get enjoyment, but also a sense of familiarity.
Within the first few pages of the book, Chelsea takes you instantly into a world of sexual promiscuity, partying, and humiliation. With each passing story, the reader finds themselves more and more a part of each story. Chelsea's form of "no holds bars" humor and blatant crude depictions keeps the reader constantly engaged. The read was so seamless that I was able to finish it in two days. What keeps the reader going, more so than her hilarious tendencies, is the constant changing from one story to the next. All of the stories tie together into a character that allows the reader to know more and more about Chelsea (or who she is portraying throughout the book.) Without a constant timeline, the stories jump around allowing the reader to not feel bored and easily set the book down for a period of time and pick it back up at their leisure, although I do not know why you would want to.
With a lot of comedic novels, it is common that the stories are over the top and unbelievable. I found this book to be completely opposite. It is true that some of the stories seem a little crazy, but knowing a lot of people who have lived or currently live the type of lifestyle she describes, not necessarily out of the realm of possibility. I found myself thinking to myself, "oh... I know that feeling," or, "that reminds me of [so and so,]" which shows either to Chelsea's brilliant retelling of honesty or her how astute her observations are. If it is the latter, the reinterpretation or complete fabrications of such real life stories proves quite impressive.
The moral of this review is merely to read it yourself. If you do not find yourself laughing and smiling within a chapter or so, this type of humor may not be your bag, but the book is fluid, easy to read, relatable, and overall worth the time.
2 people found this helpful
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Wallito
5.0 out of 5 stars Is chelsea handler telling the truth or do we care?
Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2024
Verified Purchase
When this book came out 20 years ago, I was so mad because I had wanted to write a similar book... That's part of why I waited 20 years to read it. Also I was afraid of getting stoned to death in the town square for admitting to the one night stand.

For some reason it didn't occur to me that in spite of the very controversial subject matter, you could make the audience love you instead of hate you... now I know how she does it- she's funny.

Good thing Chelsea took the lead on this one. There are several times in the book when you wonder if she is lying or telling the truth.. but you come to the profound awareness that it doesn't matter because she is super funny. Thanks Chelsea this is my type of feminism. Also enjoyed the ending. I won't spoil it for anyone who is going to wait another 20 years to gaze into this sparkling gem. ✨️
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Stella Carrier
5.0 out of 5 stars Sizzling With Touches of Humor
Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2020
Verified Purchase
I confess that I actually purchased this kindlebook that is My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands by Chelsea Handler by the October 8, 2016 timeframe via Amazon from money made from recent university employment. Chelsea Handler definitely unleashes unrestrained writing in a bold and creative way to highlight how both her childhood life and her later adult years indirectly influenced how she approached her casual and more serious relationships. She also definitely injects a sense of adventure in her writing via highlighting some of the multiple journeys and experiences that life took her when describing the people she knew in her love life and those who lived with her. Even moments where she describes some people in harsh ways, she also shows her humanity (for instance she at first admits to wanting to avoid taking a trip/traveling with a particular person and she outlines reasons way though she shows her heart/empathy/compassion when she notices and pays attention/observes how the person initially acts when Handler at first has reservations about going on the trip). There are multiple more soap opera details in this kindlebook which adds to the allure of this kindlebook.
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Menomalio Nespi
5.0 out of 5 stars Bad decisions make good stories
Reviewed in Italy on August 18, 2020
Verified Purchase
..and this book has many of them, that you cannot but love Chelsea . I adore her self-confidence, and corrosive irony. The episode I enjoyed the most is about a short and tragic ship Cruise, where she touches the bottom but still remains a brilliant sex/life warrior.
One person found this helpful
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Tara
5.0 out of 5 stars Muy ella
Reviewed in Spain on October 6, 2019
Verified Purchase
Una risa de libro. Así, de principio a fin. Todo MUY Chelsea.
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Leah-S
5.0 out of 5 stars Chelsea Handler, You Are Too Funny.
Reviewed in Canada on June 6, 2013
Verified Purchase
I first heard about Chelsea Handler when I started watching “Chelsea Lately” when it first aired, I immediately fell in love with her sense of humor & delivery, she’s hilarious!

The Book: It is truly laugh-out-loud funny, I was reading it at an office job on my lunch breaks & I would be laughing so hard in the break room, this girl leaves nothing to the imagination & is a true comic.

If you haven’t watched her show, watch it, & if you haven’t read her books, read them! This & “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.” Are by far my favorites, unfortunately, her most recent ones, not so much.
2 people found this helpful
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Anne H
5.0 out of 5 stars hilarious
Reviewed in France on January 12, 2014
Verified Purchase
I loved this book. It made me laugh out loud many times.

I would definitely recommend it. I have read multiple books by female comics in the last year and I think this and mindy kaling's book are definitely the funniest.
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Tanya
5.0 out of 5 stars Too dam funny
Reviewed in Australia on February 21, 2016
Verified Purchase
Brilliantly done funny. Be warned you may laugh so hard you cry.
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