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Getting to 'I Do': The Secret to Doing Relationships Right! Paperback – February 1, 1995

by Patricia Allen (Author), Sandra Harmon (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 1,512 ratings
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Dr. Patricia Allen's jam-packed seminars in Los Angeles have resulted in over two thousand marriages. Now you too can take advantage of this proven step-by-step program.

Here's what you'll learn:

  • How to attract the right man
  • When you should make the first move...and when you should not
  • Why equality in a relationship may not be what you're looking for
  • Why sex before commitment is a bad deal
  • How to have sensational sex
  • What makes a man run away from a relationship
  • How to know when you're giving too much
  • How to get what you want without asking
  • What makes a man want to commit
  • How to BE ENGAGED TO THE RIGHT MAN WITHIN A YEAR!
Read more Read less
Previous page
  1. Print length
    272 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    William Morrow Paperbacks
  4. Publication date
    February 1, 1995
  5. Dimensions
    5.25 x 0.61 x 8 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    9780380718153
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0380718153
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychotherapist Allen offers advice on ways to cultivate long-term relationships.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"Move over, Dr. Ruth!"-- "Los Angeles Magazine"Just what cupid ordered!"-- "Beverly Hills Today"The woman's movement brought us independence, but it did not bring us love."-- Dr. Patricia Allen

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0380718154
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Morrow Paperbacks; First Edition (February 1, 1995)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780380718153
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0380718153
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.61 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 1,512 ratings

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  1. Dr Patricia Allen

    Dr Patricia Allen

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  2. Sandra Harmon

    Sandra Harmon

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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
1,512 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

KB
5.0 out of 5 stars a MUST READ
Reviewed in the United States on February 3, 2024
Verified Purchase
Our society has lost the art of femininity in the right ways and females have dominated as masculine energy. This book lays out an amazing guideline of how to be feminine and how to be masculine and how to attract a partner based on which energy you chose to be. There are so many helpful tips of how to get the man/woman of your dreams while also being realistic.
One person found this helpful
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Jewlz
5.0 out of 5 stars Love it
Reviewed in the United States on January 4, 2024
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Super insightful! I love how dr. Allen provided examples it helped me to better understand. I am so happy someone recommended this book to my friend who recommended it to me.
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suzereviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Love it or hate it, it's the plain truth is you want to get married and actually BE happy!
Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2013
Verified Purchase
This book has been the 'magic key' I had been desperately searching for in a pile of self-help books and hours of therapy. For the past 2 years I had been obsessively trying to figure out 'what was wrong with me' (and him) that caused our really wonderful, fulfilling relationship to deteriorate into a devastating mess and failure.

Our relationship failure didn't look, sound or feel like any of our friends' relationship failures. Theirs were obvious: cheating, alcoholism and marrying for reasons other than love in the first place were some of the 'normal' and understandable reasons to end a marriage or relationship. Ours was not like that. We had all the right elements: incredible physical chemistry, humor, affection, mental compatibility, emotional compatibility, similar values spiritually and socially, you name it, we had it. We enjoyed doing many of the same things, we enjoyed one another's company and there was no cheating of any sort. So what on earth happened to us? Losing that relationship when it had so many wonderful elements was absolutely the worst pain I have ever experienced, and I knew I had to dig deep and figure out how it happened because if I didn't, I wouldn't survive the pain again. Since I am not the type to turn bitter and just buy a cat, I delved into the bottomless pit of the 'why's...until I finally found the answer in this book.

The basic premise is really simple: There MUST be a 'masculine energy' person (who gives, protects, and is RESPECTED) and a 'feminine energy person' (who 'gives back', receives joyously and is CHERISHED) in order for the relationship to work. If you both want to be in charge, you will fight for the masculine position. If you both want to have your feelings cherished as your top priority, you will fight for the feminine position. If you must be BOTH respected for your mind and want to lead AND insist on having your feelings cherished--that is the epitome of NARCISSISM, and Dr. Allen believes you will be UNABLE TO MATE SUCCESSFULLY. I agree with her. You must ultimately choose between the two energies or live alone.

So many reviewers seem to have missed the point of the book by having their feathers ruffled by the concept of submission to the male that they also missed the hundreds of times she reiterates that you can CHOOSE which energy to be, and you can also NEGOTIATE with your mate after the relationship is established for role reversals in areas that both of you agree to. She is NOT in any way suggesting that we as women should suppress our minds or needs or feelings in deference to the male. We can and should express our FEELINGS to our masculine mate. As the man, he should express his THOUGHTS to his feminine woman, and ASK HER HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THEM. Dr. Allen teaches us how to do this so as to actually get our needs met. The male MUST cherish the female's feelings above his own, and HE MUST DO THIS FIRST because a woman will be UNABLE to feel safe submitting to him and UNABLE to show respect for a man who has not FIRST shown her she is safe to do so. If a woman loves her man more than she loves herself (my problem) he will use and abuse her because she allows it.

Of course, the more frustrated and 'uncherished' I felt, the more resentful and angry I became, not understanding that I would never be able to give him enough love, generosity, effort or sacrifice to get him to meet my needs. What I was doing SEEMED to me to be feminine and loving, but it turns out those things were actually the masculine trait of selflessly giving. No wonder I didn't like being in that role! A successful relationship is like a battery: there needs to be a positive giver (male) and a negative receiver (female) in order for there to be a 'charge' or connection. It won't matter how hard you try, because without both ends of the battery, you will never get a darn thing from it.

This was the problem in my relationship. My boyfriend, who appeared very cherishing, giving and protecting at first, gradually slipped into his more feminine self and revealed what he was to me: a narcissist who would not give OR give back. He needed to have BOTH energies (my respect and also my cherishing) being given to him. I did it as long as I could, but despite the fact that we had all this 'wonderfulness' and commonality, he simply couldn't take the full masculine role I needed him to, and he left. Of course this left me absolutely AGONIZING over what more I could have done (actually, as Dr. Allen points out, I needed to do much LESS) to save our relationship.

I really must express my deep relief and gratitude for this book. I am naturally a feminine energy person, and instinctively behave in feminine ways so I got a lot of it 'right'. But when it came to asking for things I wanted or needed, I did it completely WRONG and was totally baffled as to why my asking was met with such resistance. Men take requests as attempts at control, even when they aren't. Dr. Allen shows us a better way.

I needed HONEST ANSWERS about what causes relationships to fail or succeed, and how to get my needs met by my man, and also meet his. She also showed me that what I thought a man wanted was not the case at all. I am so glad I now know this information. Thank you Dr. Allen. I am certain you have saved me from another round of hideous pain.
346 people found this helpful
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Sara
4.0 out of 5 stars Great read - in simple terms
Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2023
Verified Purchase
Very easy to read, lots of examples and scenarios explaining the methods, and overall very informative. Unfortunately I had to return as the copy I received was used, had torn pages and had notes written in pen all over the pages by someone who owned it I presume.
One person found this helpful
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Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you!
Reviewed in the United States on February 26, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book has been confirmation, for me. It’s validated a lot of the things I’ve had to do to change how I’ve been showing up in the world. I’m so grateful for your wonderful ability to properly articulate the feelings and emotions.
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Ohlox
5.0 out of 5 stars This book explains why relationships do not work
Reviewed in the United States on September 7, 2022
Verified Purchase
I will take the advice of a 90 year old woman because of the plethora of life experiences that supersede my own. She has a clear idea of how men and women act in their masculine and feminine energies. I am not one to delve into “energy” nonsense but I will use that word for the sake of getting the point across.

The author makes it clear that certain attributes of one person may compliment or conflict with their partner. She uses the masculine and feminine energy concept well and uses real life scenarios in the book. Now some women might find this book offensive but honestly, get out of your own head and give the book a chance.

This old woman knows what she is talking about. She keeps it 100% real and doesn’t care if she hurts your feelings because the point is to actually understand WHY relationships work and others don’t.

Read the book. The old lady knows what’s she’s talking about. And if u are hesitant, go watch some of her YouTube interviews. She is a gem needed to be kept under high security.
11 people found this helpful
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Wordsmith
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing
Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2023
Verified Purchase
Ever read something that pertains so closely to you, you have to laugh? I was actually a little embarrassed (and had to laugh out loud AT myself) at how silly I am and how Dr. Pat nailed it so quickly. This is a great book, written clearly and concisely, addressing masculine and feminine relationship styles. I wish I'd known this stuff decades ago.
4 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Sherry Rampersaud
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read for any alpha woman
Reviewed in Canada on February 3, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book was super healthy to read, understanding the polarity and the importance of allowing a man to lead and just relaxing a little which will spark our feminine energy.
The author uses practical stories that are easy to digest and implement
One person found this helpful
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Claudia Gutorska-Schiffer
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely in love with this book!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 25, 2023
Verified Purchase
I’m not much of a reader but omg this book is great! Wish I could meet the author one day.

The book itself came new as advertised and the whole service was great. Thank you!
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Claudia Gutorska-Schiffer
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely in love with this book!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 25, 2023
I’m not much of a reader but omg this book is great! Wish I could meet the author one day.

The book itself came new as advertised and the whole service was great. Thank you!
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Flavia
5.0 out of 5 stars Leitura fácil e envolvente. Muito aprendizado!
Reviewed in Brazil on May 24, 2020
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Aprendizados que vão além do compromisso. Uma excelente reflexão sobre o papel das energias masculina e feminina na consolidação dos relacionamentos. Livro em inglês, mas de fácil leitura! Recomendo ler e reler em todas as fases da vida.
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Girl Boss
5.0 out of 5 stars LO RECOMIENDO AMPLIAMENTE
Reviewed in Mexico on January 23, 2019
Verified Purchase
Mis recomendaciones:
1. Comprar 2 libros para que uno lo subrayes y hagas anotaciones y el otro para que lo tengas guardadito
2. Leer el libro unas 3 o 4 veces porque es mucha información y cada vez que lo vuelves a leer entiendes algo nuevo
3. Dile a tu mamá, mejor amiga, prima, etc que ella también lo lea y así puedan intercambiar opiniones
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Amazon カスタマー
2.0 out of 5 stars ok
Reviewed in Japan on October 24, 2023
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ok
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