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Alison Green

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Ask a Manager: How to Navigate Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work Paperback – May 1, 2018

by Alison Green (Author)

4.5 356 ratings

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From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York magazine’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to navigating 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice!

There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when

• coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it
• you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all”
• you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all
• you catch a colleague in a lie
• your boss seems unhappy with your work
• your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal
• you got drunk at the holiday party

“Clear and concise in its advice and expansive in its scope, Ask a Manager is the book I wish I’d had in my desk drawer when I was starting out (or even, let’s be honest, fifteen years in).”—Sarah Knight, New York Times bestselling author of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck

Print length

304 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Ballantine Books
Publication date

May 1, 2018
Dimensions

5.53 x 0.66 x 8.22 inches
ISBN-10

0399181814
ISBN-13

978-0399181818
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review)

“The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review)

“I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide

“Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way. Alison Green covers just about every conceivable awkward moment you can (and will) experience as an employee, coworker, or boss and then gives you a script for how to address and, more importantly, solve the problem.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together

“For those of us who navigate the complexities of the workplace at this point in history, whether we have somehow blundered into being managers ourselves or are merely data-entry peons, Alison Green is a treasure and a gift. Her writing is funny, fresh, clear, and helpful.”—Nicole Cliffe, co-founder, The Toast

"As someone who has lost (happily devoted, rather) countless hours of their life to committing all the Ask a Manager archives to memory, I've been ready for this book for years. I don’t know anything about having a job, and Alison knows so much; she always seems to have the perfect thing to say, the balance between tact and firmness.”—Daniel Mallory Ortberg, author of Texts from Jane Eyre and The Merry Spinster

“Ask a Manager is essential reading for anyone who has to navigate the weirdness of office culture, managers who are possibly unhinged, or the dreaded coworker who will just not stop talking. Alison Green is the workplace mentor you always wanted—wise, kind, and unflappable.”—Jolie Kerr, author of My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag . . . and Other Things You Can’t Ask Martha

“This book handles just about every work conundrum you’ve ever stayed up late at night worried about. I’d recommend reading it . . . and then conspicuously leaving it in your break room. Green is the work guru we’ve been reading for years; of course her book is fantastic!”—Alida Nugent, author of Don’t Worry, It Gets Worse and You Don’t Have to Like Me.

About the Author

Alison Green runs the Ask a Manager blog, where she answers readers' questions daily on office and management issues. She also writes the workplace advice column Ask a Boss for New York magazine's The Cut, and is the co-author of Managing to Change the World: The Nonprofit Manager's Guide to Getting Results and the former chief of staff of a successful nonprofit organization, where she oversaw day-to-day staff management.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1

Conversations with Your Boss

Conversations with your boss can be stressful even when they’re relatively routine. The uneven power dynamic can mess with your head and make you approach conversations far more delicately than you need to, or even convince you not to have the conversation at all.

But for the most part, you’ll get the best results if you approach your boss as if she’s a normal human, not royalty or a terrible ogre. That’s sometimes easier said than done, though, so here are some general operating instructions to follow:

•    Don’t overthink it. Overthinking will cause you a lot more stress and anxiety than is probably warranted and it’s likely to make you less effective, too. You’ll wind up dancing around the issue, or using formal wording that sounds odd and unclear. Just be direct and straightforward.

•    Keep your ego at bay. The more you can approach the conversation from an emotionally detached place, the more effective you’re likely to be. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have emotions; it just means that you can’t let them drive the conversation. For example, if your boss gives you some critical feedback and you get defensive or upset, you’re less likely to truly process the guidance she’s giving you. Instead, calmly ask for more information and talk through your options. That should lead you away from defensive responses like “No one told me not to do it that way!” and toward more constructive responses like “Would it be better to do X?” or “I think X is happening because of Y. Let me try Z and see if that solves it.”

•    Think like a consultant. Employees’ relationships with their managers sometimes resemble a parent/child dynamic more than a peer-to-peer relationship—and that’s not a good thing. To avoid that, try thinking of yourself as a consultant and your boss as your client. Consultants are able to sidestep that parent-child dynamic because they’re independently offering their services, and while they want to make their clients happy, if they ultimately can’t see eye to eye on something important, they can part ways without a ton of drama. And really, that’s true for employees, too—employees just tend to lose sight of it.

•    When you bring concerns to your boss, frame them from the perspective of “What makes the most sense for the organization and why?” rather than “I want X.” The former is the perspective that your boss will need to take, so it’s better for both of you if the conversation starts there. However . . .

•    If something really just comes down to “I want X,” it’s okay to be straightforward about that. If you’re in pretty good standing with your boss and you have some credibility built up (in part because you don’t approach her with “I want X”-type requests on a daily basis), then sometimes it’s okay to say, “I know that this doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it’s driving me crazy. Could we try doing X instead?” or “X is really important to me. Can we talk about whether there’s any way to make that happen?” Good bosses want to make good employees happy, so knowing what would make you happier is actually great information for them to have.

•    Make it clear that you understand that your boss may have different information or a different perspective than you. In many cases, your boss really will have more information than you do, and you should approach sensitive conversations with that in mind. For example, if you’re concerned about why your boss moved a high-profile project from you to your coworker, start by saying, “I realize that there might be reasons for this that I’m not privy to” as opposed to just launching into “I’m really upset about losing this project.” You’ll have more credibility, and you won’t put your boss on the defensive.

•    In some cases you’ll get better results by asking for a short-term experiment rather than a permanent change. If your boss is resistant to what you’re asking for, suggesting a short-term trial rather than a permanent change can be a good way to lower the stakes. For example, if you want to work from home on Thursdays and your boss isn’t convinced it makes sense, she might agree more easily if you don’t ask her to commit to it forever. Instead, say, “Could we try it for the next three Thursdays and see how it goes? If it causes problems, of course I wouldn’t continue. But it could be a good way to test it out.” This approach works for all kinds of requests, from asking for more autonomy in your work to suggesting a different format for staff meetings.

1. Your boss seems unhappy with your work

Sometimes it’s clear that your boss is unhappy with your work: You’re getting a lot of critical feedback and/or she tells you directly that she’s concerned. Other times, you might be less certain. Maybe you have a vague sense that she’s dissatisfied without having anything concrete to point to, or you might not know whether the amount of criticism you’re getting is par for the course or something to worry about.

In all these cases, the worst thing you can do is silently worry. You might think that raising the issue will make it worse, but really, if your boss has concerns about your performance, it’s much better to know and to try to address the situation. If you avoid the topic, you won’t ever know what you could be doing better. And you might be denying yourself peace of mind, too, if in fact your boss isn’t as worried as you think.

So, name what you’re worried about and ask for more insight. Here are some ways you can say it:

•    “I’m getting the sense that you’re concerned about how I’m handling X and Y. If so, I’d really like to talk it through with you and get your feedback.”

•    “I might be misreading, but you seemed disappointed with how project X went. Could we talk about how you think it went?”

•    “Can I ask about some of the feedback you’ve given me lately? I wasn’t sure if this is the amount and type of feedback you’d normally expect to give the person in my role, or if I’m having a tougher time than you’d generally expect.”

•    “Could we talk about how things are going overall? I’d really like to get your feedback on how I’m doing, in the big picture.”

2. The job isn’t what you agreed to

If you find yourself in a new job that’s significantly different from the one you signed up for, you should speak up. First, if you don’t speak up, your boss may not even realize this is happening; he may be so busy with other things that he hasn’t fully focused on what’s going on with you. Second, you want to find out whether you’re just pinch-hitting for someone else short-term (maybe until someone has time to train you on your primary responsibilities or until something else changes) or this is what the job will look like long-term. And third, you need to be clear that you’re not okay with doing a different job than the one you signed up for. (Don’t assume that this is obvious.)

Start by saying something like this:

•    “Since I started a month ago, I’ve been spending most of my time on database maintenance. Could we talk about the plan for getting the accounting work transferred over to me? I was happy to help out with the database because I know we were in a pinch with Niles being out, but I’d really like to focus on the accounting work I was hired for.”

If your manager says that there are no immediate plans to make that happen, you could say:

•    “Would you be open to talking about handling it differently? I hadn’t expected the job to be centered on database work when I took it, and it’s not something I’d normally seek to make part of my role.”

It’s possible that this conversation will make your manager realize that he needs a different plan—in which case, great, problem solved. But it’s also possible that you’ll hear, “Yeah, I’m sorry it worked out this way, but this is what we need from the role now.” If that’s the case, you’ll need to decide if you want the job under these new terms. That’s definitely not fair—but if it’s the reality of the situation, it’s better to figure that out sooner rather than later so that you can decide how you want to proceed.

3. You have concerns about a colleague’s work

Let’s say you have a coworker who isn’t very good at her job. Her work is full of mistakes, or she doesn’t return calls from her clients so they end up contacting you for help instead, or she’s frequently late in finishing up her piece of a joint project.

A lot of people will tell you that if the problems aren’t impacting your ability to do your own job, you should stay out of it. And sometimes that’s true—if the problems are minor. But if the problems are significant and you can see that they’re affecting your team or your organization, a good manager will appreciate a discreet heads-up about what’s going on.

Of course, “significant” is the key here. Your coworker coming in two minutes late every day probably doesn’t meet that bar, but clients complaining that your coworker never responds to their calls probably does. The question to ask yourself is: How does this affect our work, and by how much? If it’s more than mildly annoying and has a real impact on the work, a good boss will want to know about it.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Ballantine Books (May 1, 2018)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0399181814
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0399181818
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.53 x 0.66 x 8.22 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #340,176 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #776 in Job Hunting & Career Guides
- #1,070 in Communication & Social Skills (Books)
- #4,103 in Success Self-Help

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Alison Green

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Alison Green runs the Ask a Manager website (AskaManager.org), where she tackles readers' questions on workplace issues. Ask a Manager receives 2 million visits each month and has been featured in the New York Times, USA Today, the Wall St. Journal, CBS News, ABCnews.com, Glamour, and more.

She also writes regular columns for Slate, The Cut, and Vice and is a regular contributor to Marketplace Weekend.

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rebel

All Your Workplace Advice in One Book

Reviewed in the United States on July 6, 2018

Verified Purchase

I love the Ask a Manager blog for two reasons: the advice and the stories. The stories told by letter writers are undoubtedly what makes the blog so addictive - I once spent a whole Saturday reading about helicopter parents berating their children's employers and digging through 20 pages of updates. But I never leave the site feeling like I've wasted my time or indulged in some guilty pleasure - I feel smarter, wiser, and more sympathetic. And that's because of Alison's amazing advice - which usually comes down to knowing what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. This book takes a decade of advice spread out over thousands of posts and condenses it into a 300 page reference guide. The stories are mostly gone, but you quickly realize you don't miss them; the advice is what matters, and it's worth its price in gold to have it all in one place.

19 people found this helpful

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Pacey1927

Practical Advice

Reviewed in the United States on April 12, 2019

Verified Purchase

I love the Ask A Manager website run by the author of this book. It is such a fun hodgepodge of questions from people in work situations. Some of the advice is career minded: How to ask for that raise. What if you aren't meeting expectations at work? How do I create an exceptional cover letter? And some is social etiquette concerns at work. Some of my favorites: "What to do when you boss keeps eating your lunch" and "Help! I just hugged the company CEO". As a manager myself, I recognize a lot of these situations in my day to day work life. Some are utterly bizarre but they really do happen. So I was more than eager to read this book. I enjoyed it overall. My one complaint is the format. There are a few letters from readers sprinkled through the book but they are pretty few and far between. The author mostly bunches items by subject and while it was still enjoyable to read and learn from, I think the book would have been more enjoyable and more effective if it was formatted with more actual letters like the ones from the website. I was a little disappointed that the snark and humor that comes across with this author's vast experience and wisdom, did not come across as well in the book as it does online. Still this is a very practical and easy to read guide and the advice/recommendations are on point for all situations.

5 people found this helpful

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Bryan

The go-to guide for workplace communication

Reviewed in the United States on June 27, 2018

Verified Purchase

This book is an excellent guide to workplace communications. First, this is not the ask a manager blog. To me, the book is a top-notch reference manual on what to say in a variety of workplace situations. I find most people, including myself, are not great communicators. This book supplies the scripts for a wide variety of situations divided into four sections: conversations with your boss, conversations with your coworkers, conversations when you're the boss, and conversations with your job interview. The wording provided is Green's signature blend of direct and professional. I love being able to flip to a certain page when I know I'm going to encounter a situation and would like some guidance with what to say.

3 people found this helpful

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Janna

Really helpful for anyone working with anyone else

Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2018

Verified Purchase

An excellent book, giving sensible, sympathetic advice on issues which arise in the work place, particularly difficulties with the human element.

I would have liked a copy of this when I was starting work - if only to comfort me with the knowledge that the issues I sometimes encountered were a perfectly normal and unavoidable (though undesirable) effect of being a working human being working with other human beings.

I particularly like the little scripts Allison gives to help shape potentially necessary but awkward conversations or e-mails.

I liked this book so much that I've purchased at least 6 copies to give to friends and family.

3 people found this helpful

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SKR

As described

Reviewed in the United States on June 21, 2019

As described

Practical and actionable advice

Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2018

Verified Purchase

I ordered this book after having some concerns with my current employer and after owning it for 24 hours I've already been able to use a few tips from it in how to deliver concerns to my manager without them getting defensive over our current processes. It worked like a charm we're going to slowly role out a project to better understand how our team handles the new workload without going live to 60K people without proper infrastructures in place.

It wasn't quite the format that I thought it was going to be, but the way it's setup allowed me to find exactly the advice I needed in my current situation and it will now be living in my desk drawer so I can reference it throughout the day if needed.

7 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

Everyone should read this.

Reviewed in the United States on May 11, 2018

Verified Purchase

I haven't gotten very far into this, but I'm very excited to have Alison's common sense in hard copy form to carry around. In my first flip through, the only reason I didn't give this 5 stars, is because I think there's something lost when you don't get to read the kinds of reader questions being asked. Askamanager.org is a really amazing resource and community. That being said, it's still a really solid book full of helpful advice. It's just a little less colorful without the gripping drama that comes with the specificity of individual people wrestling with these questions.

Still -- everyone should read this. And everyone should keep reading her blog, too.

5 people found this helpful

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Jourdan

Not the Blog but Great and Useful!

Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2018

Verified Purchase

As other reviewers have noted, this book is quite different to the blog. If you are expecting a stockpile of weird letters, move on (not that I wouldn’t enjoy the hell out of that, but this book is not that).

These scripts are elegant, clean, and to the point. The only thing I would have done differently if I were to read it again would be to pace myself—I got stressed out sometimes imagining myself in all these situations! This book will be on my shelf for a long time, and I’m planning to order more copies for friends and family.

23 people found this helpful

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Elva.ri

Buen libro

Reviewed in Mexico on December 30, 2019

Verified Purchase

Buen libro, digerible y realista

Translate review to English

Dylan F Couper

Price of the book is worth it every page if you have employees

Reviewed in Canada on November 7, 2018

Verified Purchase

* How to deal with an employee who comes in 10 minutes late every day
* What to do when a co-worker has brutal body odor
* How to deal with an employee who is shopping around for a new job
* How to tell someone they are not getting a raise when they ask
...and a hundred other things that as a business owner or manager have sucked up tons of my time.

Spending a measly $20 to get a ton of answers for the little things like this was worth every penny to me. I ended up getting sucked in to it and blasted through the whole book in a few hours. Totally worth it.

If you have employees, manage people or even work in an office setting, or even just deal with people on a regular basis, you will find something in this book that makes it work the cover price.

John Faben

An enjoyable read, but honestly less valuable than the blog

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 16, 2021

Verified Purchase

I have spent dozens of hours reading Allison's blog ask a manager, and I really like her style and her advice. Honestly I !mostly bought the book as a way to pay her back for some of that. However,I can't in good conscience recommend the book when I know there's a store of more relatable, easier to read content by the very same author about the very same content on her blog. If you're already a fan, by all means buy the book, but if you're not, start with the blog.

One person found this helpful

Geraldine Ketchum

I wish this had been around years ago

Reviewed in Canada on August 18, 2019

Verified Purchase

Bought for my daughter in law, after reading the website. Alison Greene answers questions regarding work norms, how to negotiate salary, andd how to deal with every typee of co-worker, manager and customer. Great advice on how to manage people and workflow. If only I ad had this earlier in my career.

Melissa

Great insight

Reviewed in Canada on June 7, 2019

Verified Purchase

I really like this author's style. I listen to her now ended podcast and read her website - sje has a lot of great insight. I found the podcast most helpful and am sad it's been ended, but the book is the next best thing.

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